I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize