Michael Bay diarrhea
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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