We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize