Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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