Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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