My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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