she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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