I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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