so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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