Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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