nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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