I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize