I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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