ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize