Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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