...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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