the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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