So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize