im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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