Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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