Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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