i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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