He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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