Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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