We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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