My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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