just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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