I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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