video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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