I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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