what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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