But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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