don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize