God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry my hands just texted you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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