..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize