I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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