Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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