I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize