My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize