How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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