quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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