2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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