But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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