Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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