youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i came on her dog
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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