just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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