Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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