Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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