Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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