Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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